Hate is a mean word >=|

have you ever..

..wanted something in ur life so bad dat ull do anything for it?
..waited for something so bad dat it doesnt matter how long it takes?
..wondered wat it wud b like to have someone there for u whenever u call?
..had a dream dat felt so real you want it to happen?
..felt so sad but you cant cry bcos everyone is watchin you?

..had someone who u'd miss when he/she doesnt msg?

well here's someone who've been in dat position..n its realli a FML situation..
ME!


i hate how you make me smile like an idiot readin ur msges
i hate it how you make me torn wen i was alredi confused
i hate it how you cud talked to me more than before
i hate it how happy i get wen im wit you
i hate how you laugh
i hate how u neva fail to make my day
i hate it how i still think of you tho ure not ard
i hate it i cant move on wen im suppose to
i hate how you smiled at me
worse of all

i hate the fact that i dont hate you, not even a little, not even at all?


i wish u best..
id still be here for you n this i promise you

Precious Friendship

im suppose to b gettin ready for our Sg Long Youth camp..but i jus cant help but to blog..it totally sucks to b in dis state right now..not wen i know everythin is not ok n im leaving it all behind for 3 days..all of this wudnt have come up if i jus kept my stupid mouth shut..not oni did i cause a panic attack, i made my one n oni close fren unhappy..s crazy s we may seem, i hate to see her sad..worse if i cant do shit abt it..so much for honesty is d best policy..i jus din wan anything like "bride wars" to happen in our frenship..except d ending..but wats life without challenge ritee? i tried to keep myself s positive s i can d whole nite till i read her tru feelings on her blog..cos i know she puts her heart n soul into writting a post..i kept thinkin dat dis is blessing in disguise..dat it will strengthen our bonds..cos like i said b4 n no matter wat ppl say, my life without her, it may jus fall apart..dats how much u mean to me KRISTINE THONG MEI CHUIN..n if u din know, im willing to sacrifice my own happiness for d happiness of others..many will say im stupid but sometimes in order to receive, u gotto give..so i hope everythin will b fine on ur side..

*hearts*

The path of life is long and winding,
but this friendship will be never ending
For you my friend a precious jewel
shines in the eye of many whom you dazzle.
Challenges come and go
but whats to come we will never know
I pray to God that one day we will grasp that happiness we both have long been searching for

Thursday nite friday morning..

i couldnt sleep so end up typing stuff i came up wit..not a poem..not a story..jus me typing randomly..=p

a star shone brightly tonight,
(tho i din look at d sky)
a wish struck my thought,
wished dat star was u,
who would always b there shining upon me,
protecting me from harm,
making sure i wud have a goodnight sleep,
for i cant help but think of u,
even wen those eyelids have shut,
flashes of u smiling dat lovely night.
was all dat i cud get,
cos there was nothin more i cud do
but to bring u dat little happiness
for dats d little wat a fren could offer.

=)

>>....>>>....>>>>....

where's dat someone wen u reallli realli need him/her...i know u're out there..someone who will tolerate my emotions..who i want? i dunno..who i have in mind? no one..my brains r jus empty right now..i need someone who can get some sense into me...psychologist perhaps??? god...i went to penang to pray n i get screwed up like dis...its so weird...hmmmpphh...

at dis point i feel nautious (feel like vomiting) dunno whether correct spellin...
listening to ruben studdard's celebrate me home again n again...
talkin to my ex who seems to b d oni wan being concern at d moment but me being a stubborn ass is jus not taking his advise to eat somethin...cos i find it useless for it will oni come bak out in d reverse way..so i dun c a point..y is it so hard?? ive neva been so hard on myself b4..

last time alcohol used to help but i guess wit no alcohol tolerance now it might oni result to worst..

im not even 19 n im aledi fed up wit life..wats fucking wrong wit me??
i cant even bloody take care of myself..
i cant depend on myself..
i cant hold my tears in...
wat is wrong wit me..
bloody hell...jus suck me down there where i can burn in flames..
tho its not d best way to die..but its d same s cremating my body..so wat d hack..
its probably one of d stupidest post..
im tryin to let it all out..
but i guess some emotions r jus left unexplainable???
n i know its weird..but wat to do...i cant freakin explain myself...

for all there is,
im still reminiscing,
the possibilities,
that i cud b facing.
the future is not for me to perfect,
nor d past dat was impaired.
there may b a light
on dat lonely planet
where my soul landed
but till it arrives
i drive along d long bumpy roads.

i got ntg else to write..probably d most lamest poem (if u consider it as one) ive ever written..
if oni things wud go d way we wished,
life wudnt b such a struggle??
im not seekin for attention..
i jus needed to let it out somewhere somehow..
i guess a time out wud do some good..

*feeling sick to d stomach*