When hope is gone..

i dunno whether is it jus me or its jus part of life...but i always wonder why do i have to so often feel my hopes have to always end up crushed?? i mean am i askin too much jus to be happy?? i mean wtf? like rejection is not good enuf now i can even hope for somethin??

i admit i haven been all dat good but wat abt d lil good ive done? dont i deserve a lil compassion?? wat have i done to deserve such ill treatment? s much as i know i have expensive taste but i dun usually get wat i wat..cos u know y..cos im not all dat lucky to recieve a box of somethin i want or like to open..d oni way is freakin work for it..y does it have to b so hard? WHY??
now i cant even concentrate on somethin without thinkin abt..knowing dat i will neva have d fucking chance to even b happy..ppl can say theres others who are suffering more than i am..but i dun fucking give a fuck..i have my share of hardships i dun need to bear more hardships of others...

i wud trade anything jus to b happy right now..sighhh...

if there was something i wish i had..that something would be happiness..happiness that will surpass this sorrow and emptiness..if only this day would end..i wouldnt have to shed more tears than i already have..for these tears can only mean sadness at this point of time..if i could change how i feel now i would..but there is jus no strength left..none to even wipe these tears of mine..if tomorrow would come earlier..this misery may end sooner..soon enough to take these crushed hopes adrift..but that tomorrow may take neither hours,nor days for YOU will always be there in the corner of my mind and it will remain s long s u r around..like it has always been the past years..

as i mentioned before...
to be JOINT FOREVER in LOVE is life changing..
but since it neva happened and i doubt it will happen in d future, therefore i will not have or may neva have dat life changing experience..

but seriously..like who am i kidding?? seriously!!! comparing wit someone like her...now i think i shud jus slap my head..maybe its jus another test huh..its always a test..

so that people is how i end my somewhat happening October month...


~floriferous out~
*Missing you by First Lady plays in d background*
how nice jus d song i need..

Inspirational Cooking Day...

Although i am suppose to b studyin n preparing for my upcoming exams..but wat do u find me doing these days..doing everything n anything but studyin..since last week, i somehow got a drive to spend more time in the kitchen..

But today..it was somethin i or any of my frens or my mum wudve expected me to do somethin so diff n 'wow factoring'..ok maybe abit of exagaration..but hey..till u see the pictures u know wat im talkin abt..hehe..i was amazed myself ok..

SOOO..

i woke up dis morning, suppose to act go round sg long or jus ard my hse or kris hse to do some photoshoot wit her new DSLR Sony A300 camera..but due to unavoided circumstances, my fren couldnt make it..so, me having slept earlier n woke up earli, found it hard tryin to sleep bak..

dis is an example of wat i saw..i regret not taking pictures now..sighh..

I went out i felt d nice cool air n d mist hovering d mountains n d sun shining thru it...den something struck my head n told me i wanted Pancakes for bkfs bcos its a beautiful day i must have a nice meal..so without any time wasted, i googled up the best basic pancake recipe there is..I know u're thinkin why dun jus get those ready in d box n stuff..well, s far s i know, pancake doesnt contain much ingredients n doin from scratch aint that hard..cos i did do it wen i was younger..jus cant rmbr wat is in it n i wanted it to b perfect..yes i know ure thinking im such a PERFECTIONIST...well dat thing is gonna b processed in my stomach u know...its important!!

I got the ingredients, decided to make some lemonade to go with it since mum told me to use up d lemons she bought b4 it dries up...so okla..went to find recipe again tho i aledi know how to make it..again i think i jus have OCD now...pffffttt..neways there wasnt enuf lemonade for d recipe i got..so wat d hack..decided to make a list of things i needed n headed out to d market n grocery shop..yes again..y d hell am i so organized...sighhh

found a nice parking lot n headed to d grocery shop first since i needed more stuff there..after that to d market to get mum's kampung chicken eggs n aso quail eggs..den over to d fruit stall to get lemons n Strawberries to go wit my pancakes..hmmmphh yumm...

so got bak..decided to make d lemonade first since it needs to b chilled..squeezing those lemons used up quite a lot of energy tho...but hey i need those guns..haha..den it was to d pancakes batter..added everything in following d instructions and once it was ready i jus kept it one side n waited for frens to wake up n come over..

while waiting..another inspiration came into thought..cos there were jus too much lemon skin n i din have d heart to throw it all away..i thought wait till my mum came home..but while i was browsing thru d web, i rmbred dat my mum said abt lemon zest could b used to do cake..so thats wat hit me n i googled up recipes for lemon zest cake..n guess wat came up, Lemon Layer Cake recipe..it sounded interesting n it used lemon juice n zest..so it was a bonus..i din needa get any extra ingredients..i had everythin in stored n jus enough in amount..so wat d hack la..got d recipe, jumped up n headed to d kitchen...it was mission no 3 for d day..

well, d thing abt me, i somehow end up choosing somethin dat is complicated or needed hard work..i dunno y..weird me...so s i got started wit d lemon zest, i realised, alot of effort needed to get jus a table spoon of it..den i thought.. "OH NO!! dis is gonna take forever" den i found another technic n it speed things up..had a few cuts here n there la in d process..but after dat, i d measuring for other ingredients n from then on a cake was on its way...a few hick up but managed to settle it n d next thing u know d cake is aledi baking..

so while d cake was in d oven, i thought, y not jus do d frosting..it will look n taste nicer too..so next task, more ZEST needed..haha..but now pro d, so it din take too long..n here comes d scary part..d double boiling of d eggwhite n sugar..imagine everythin is goin well n its up to dis whether d frosting will jadi or not..cos d eggs used were d last 3 of d normal eggs..if dat failed, i wudve to use kampung eggs..which r realli expensive n needed to use more due to its size..so ya..i was kinda scared...so i made sure dat d fire was too big n made sure dat d egg din get too hot n got it out b4 it turned into scrambled eggs..

after dat, it was firming of icing...beating it till it had a firm surface was aso unpredictable..one minute it could b fine but d next jus splits..so ya..while dat was in d process, d second portion of d cake was done...so cud say timing was all good...

headed to d filling n final touch of d cake..put on a layer of blueberry jam (Cameron's product) haha..n den slices of strawberry on top of t n den a layer of frosting on it b4 d 2nd layer went on..there was a hick up there but it was fixed once d frosting went on to cover d cake..decorated it wit strawberries n den it had to b chilled for a while cos d frosting was melting aledi..

during d frosting kris n jason thong came to gimme a hand..kris enjoyed her pancakes n it was jus nice to c smile on someone who is in rather much pain..den later on tasya joined us n she was juz simply amazed..hahaha..n after dat i was off to town to fetch mum n get my dressed tailored..daym if oni i took picture of my design..its somethin like jessica biel's famous fuschia dress on the red carpet..we shall jus wait n c how it turns out..=)

Neways now i shall jus leave u pictures dat will leave u drooling n keep wanting for more..hehe...
Just so you know, these shots were taken by Kristine n her New DSLR..

the main idea and appetizer for d day..
Pancakes topped wit frozen strawberry..

the first SHOT of the home made LEMON-strawberry-blueberry LAYER CAKE!!


the baker and her hard-effort-put-in CAKE..
s u can c i wasnt realli prepared for a shoot...=/
The First Cut on a almost perfect creation!

opening ceremony of d the best taste cake ive tasted..
those who tried care to agree??

the cut out portion of d awesome tasting cake..
filings of blueberry and strawberry slices..=)

the fussy but contented consumer..=P

It surprised me wen everyone asked why did i have do it from scratch..wen there's the instant for each of wat i made..n d funny thing is altho i did it from scratch, D BEST part of d whole process was I enjoyed n loved doing it..it was done wit full of passion n patience..hehe..i wanna feel like this everyday..can i?

neways d cake may become my signature cake dat i will work on it n perfect it from time to time..not oni does if have simple ingredients, it is simple to do n taste real good...The other reason why its gonna be my signature piece is cos of its toppin..all d recipes dat ive seen doesnt contain blueberry n strawberry combo..=P so wish me luck...

dats all for now..Peace out..

The Drama October week

i seriously think, d oni way i get doin a post is bcos my godsis tags me..y ahh..jus so weird..neways b4 i do dat, lemme jus do a wrap up on wat happen dis week..well dis week u can say has been a real DRAMA for me..a part of my life where i think ill rmbr so darn well..i've experienced n done a few crazy things,end up being crushed like an egg, manage to release some tension n insaneness from wit a few remedies..eating jap lolo,strawberries,drinking,cooking,cutting hair...n lemme c if ive manage to feel all kinds of emotions...according to wikipedia theres

Plutchik's wheel of emotions, Stoic view of emotion & Lojban emotions

im gonna use Plutchiks..since its quite general n easier to b used..hehe...
Robert Plutchik created a wheel of emotions in 1980 which consisted of 8 basic emotions and 8 advanced emotions each composed of 2 basic ones.

BASIC

Joy

• having such a good fren who's there for me thru d past week
  
• having a chance to do n feel things no one else cud give me..
• having my voice bak to normal
  
• able to sing like normal
• being able to COOK a good meal for my wonderful fren, Kristine n my family..tho it was d first time attemptin on dat meal but hack it tasted AWESOME!! =)
  

Acceptance

• a "close" fren whom i recently got bak in contact wit accepted d way i was n din ask for any change in me
• jus din wanna say anythin abt d form 6 farewell party
  

Fear

• for d first time i had d fear of dyin wen thinkin of dying
• fear of being lonely for d rest of my f***ed up life
• fear of not bein loved
• fear of crashin my car =p
• fear of a frenship ending
• fear of being in situations when u say "its too late"
• fear of wasting those freshly flown bak from KK prawns wit my cookin
  

Surprise

• being able to fix frenship
• having SHORTer hair
• i actually did wat i did
• IM STILL ALIVE
• I din BURN anything while cooking =P
  

Sadness

• not able to get wat i hoped wud happen
• ppl change after a certain period of time
• not being loved
• LONELY
• cudnt do a perfect sauce for d mee
  

Disgust

• of wat act happened
• time passed too quickly
• how ppl can jus b so ignorant
  

Anticipation

• cudnt wait to experience wat i experienced
• while waiting to taste d Meal i prepared
  

Anger

• feel like killing myself for not thinking things thru
• not able to keep my word
• going crazy over my own mistakes
• hate how much i fell for u
  

ADVANCED

Optimism(Anticipation + Joy)

• maintain d frenship n move on wit life
• b grateful for wat i have n stop complainin wat i dun have
  

Love ( Joy + Acceptance)

• i tot i felt it but i guess i jus have to wait for d right one
  

Submission ( Acceptance + Fear)

• hope no one finds out n things will jus b d way they are for theres ntg else dat can b done
  

Awe ( Fear + Surprise)

• thank god ntg bad happened
  

Disappointment ( Surprise + Sadness)

• if oni i jus kept my word den things wudve jus b normal n not how it is
• d doorgift din turned out not d way i visioned it n there was jus wastage
  

Remorse ( Sadness + Disgust)

• by the reaction of someone after everythin we've gone thru
  

Contempt ( Disgust + Anger)

• 'same as d above'
  

Aggressiveness ( Anger + Anticipation)

• jus feel like giving him a slap to think of others than jus himself

that ladies n gentlemen..is a list of all dat ive felt d past week..d following pics r some of the events dat happen in dis few days...

drinking session in process..

i SUCK big time..worst den my past..

d next day was cooking session at my place..attempt on Big Prawn Mee.."sang har yee mee" n prawn sui kao...
the feasting begins..kris insisted her milo in cos she said she made awesome milo dat cant get anywhere..=P


n there she lays after overeating..n u can c there's still lotsa mee..

me goofing ard wit kris fly-like shades..hehehe..n last evidence of me in long hair..

a couple of hours later...ITS dat close to VB's hairstyle..=p

upclose n personal wit d HAIR..
d mum n daughter after Pro-Cared Hair..haha

suppose to b singing but d photographer jus had to distract me..haha..

sometimes..things r jus beta left unsaid n put pics to replace it huh..bcos in dis world, its loaded wit stereotypist..so i shall jus continue wit d tag from manda..=)

• three names you go by :

1. Flora
2. Flo
3. Flori

• three screen names you have had :

1. Floriferous
2. Flora Oh
   
3. Flora
   

• three physical things you like about yourself :

1. my left eye
   
2. my hair
3. my teeth

• three physical things you don't like about yourself :

1. Gain tummy easily =/
   
2. TOO FAIR
   
3. lil pimples tend to appear easily
   

• three parts of your heritage :

1. Portugese
2. Chinese
3. Baba Nyoya
   

• three things that scare you :

1. Losing my family and friends
2. Dying
3. Creepy crawlies

• three of your everyday essentials :

1. PHONE!!!!
2. Laptop/tv
3. Water?? Lol..

• three things you are wearing now :

1. Pyjamas
   
2. does blanket count?
   
3. 
   

• three of your favourite bands or musical acts :

1. Secondhand Serenade
   
2. Paramore
   
3. Jonas Brothers
   

• three of your favourite songs (right now) :

1. When God Made You
2. Just stand up
3. It's Over
   

• three things you want in a relationship :

1. LOVE!!!!
2. Honesty
   
3. Understanding

• three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you :

1. Looks of course =P
   
2. Dressing ( not being materialistic jus prefer a well dressed person)
   
3. Hot Body ( hot body means healthy n got enuf strength to carry me if i fall)
   

• three of your hobbies :

1. ANything related to music (listening,singing)
   
2. Driving
3. Onlining
   

• three things you wanna do really badly right now :

1. Talk to someone
   
2. Sleep
3. Dream

• three careers you're considering/considered before :

1. Designer ( always dreamt of being d Msian Vera Wang)
   
2. Event Manager (in d process n hopefully will b one one day)
3. Cabin Crew/Airstewardess (love travelling)
   

• three places you want to go on vacation :

1. Italy
2. France
3. Maldives
   

• three things you want to do before you die :

1. Own the things i dream off (house,cars,career,love, etc)
2. Step foot at all 5 continents
   
3. DO special things for d ppl i love
   

• five people that you would like to see take this quiz now :

1. Kristine (if u eva wanna do)
2. Mark
3. Freddie
4. Sherie
5. who eva dat wans to do it..

Dats all from me dis time..have a great sunday..god blesss...

floriferous OUT~~

~when god made you~

hey all..i promised ill add pics from d wedding..here are a few..

the isle everyone felt like walking down..

the newly weds
the godsistas

the ladies at the table..

the final shot of d nite..

there r more uploaded in facebook alredi..feel free to view it there k.. http://www.new.facebook.com/album.php?aid=58873&id=799608344..

the past week was jus filled wit so much stuff..but d most enjoyable time was wen we spent time playin n taking care of baby preston (my sis' godson) who came down wit his mum from sarawak..having him ard was somethin diff..there was so much love, joy n happiness ard..to d extend i fell sick once he left.. >.< droppin them at the airport was kinda tough..tho i still had adrenaline pumping due to speeding at 150km/h all d way on the highway..*life is a highway, i wanna ride it all night long*
wen we reached i jus turned behind n told my sis to put doggy soft toy on preston to prevent him from wakin up from his slumber..n wen i was on my way to park d car, tears jus came rollin down..not dat i was sad giving doggy away but it was jus wanting preston to have somethin to rmbr..he did enjoy playin wit doggy while he was here..he laughed n hugged it s he laze on our sofa..mum said i grew more matured during d week preston was ard..i learnt how to sacrifice..=/

pic of preston wit mummy n godma

laughin till cant c his eyes anymore..>.< watcha lookin at?? im tryin to wipe my saliva ok..being independent!!

yo wassuupp ya'll..rocka baby!!

jus miss having him ard..d hse feels so much quieter..hehe..i even recorded some clips of him laughing n tryin to crawl..

act d title of this post was meant to b related to the song below but god did create babies s well rite..hehe..but d matter of the fact is dat i was jus being emo n kris said i shud jus blog abt it since i had ntg else beta to do..so dat is y im here...i heard dis song during the Mel's wedding reception...fell in love wit it..lyrics are like so strong in meaning..it is by Newsong n Natalie Grant..the song shud b playin at d background by now..so enjoy..

It’s always been a mystery to me
How two hearts can come together
And love can last forever
But now that I have found you, I believe
That a miracle has come
When God sends the perfect one
(mine is yet to come)
Now gone are all my questions about why
And I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life

Chorus: I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true
When God made you
He must have been thinking about me

I promise that wherever you may go
Wherever life may lead you
With all my heart I’ll be there too
From this moment on I want you to know
I’ll let nothing come between us
And I will love the ones you love
Now gone are all my questions about why
And I have never been so sure of anything in my life

Chorus:
I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true
When God made you
He must have been thinking about me

Bridge:
He made the sun
He made the moon
To harmonize in perfect tune
One can’t move without the other
They just have to be together
And that is why I know it’s true
You’re for me and I’m for you
Cause my world just can’t be right Without you in my life
Chorus:
I wonder what God was thinking
When He created you
I wonder if He knew everything I would need
Because He made all my dreams come true

Tag chorus:
He must have heard every prayer I’ve been praying
Yes He knew everything I would need
When God made you
When dreams come true
When God made you He must have been thinking about me

those lines summarizes wat LOVE is all about..dun u think??..d lyrics jus shows d greatness of Love..wat kind of changes can happen to one's life wen there is love..having dreams come true, prayers answered, wonders ends and miracles happen.. jus like kris said "if only i could, i would"... i know im not being very expressive enuf..apologis to all..sometimes we jus dun have d words for everything dat happens...sighh..

all I need is You to complete the emptiness within
nothing else matters when you're around
for you are all that matters in my life from this moment on...
whats left of me is only a piece of whats shattered
you're the only chance that might fix them all together
ain't got the powers to make it all happen
nothing but PATIENCE.


~floriferous out~